Ep 154- Portland Trailblazers 2018 NBA Preview #11
Portland fights to stay the hipster capital of the NBA. Fortunately, Brooklyn is too bad for anyone to root for. If the Jail Blazers of the early oughts were a movie, what movie would they be? Portland is famous for beer and the adult soapbox derby and they recommend a combination of the two. Soak in the city’s diversity from The Sierra Club to strip clubs.
Tom Thibodeau finally found a trade for his disgruntled star, Jimmy Butler. If Butler thought Wiggins and Towns were too fragile just wait until he gets a load of Fultz! We examine how the shockwaves of the trade ripple throughout the league. Everyone from fans of the Chicago Bulls, to Jimmer Fredette, to ‘The Goonies’ movie felt it. Plus, the Rockets may not just be losing out on just Jimmy this week, but Carmelo too. Warriors execs hilariously lure fans with offer of $100 tickets to games with zero view. And it might be time to panic about Dwight Howard and the Washington Wizards.
Three weeks into the NBA season we’ve identified the coaches, players and teams that have found the perfect match. There’s still more teams throwing dishes and sleeping on the couch. Mike Budenholzer found a newer, younger European partner, while Jimmy Butler and the Timberwolves look like Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren. The Cavs need counseling for their coaches and their veteran shooting guard. The Wizards only consistency is their dysfunction and Kawhi on the Raptors seems about as real as Kim Kardashian’s TV wedding special. Plus, a Diss of the Week featuring Fergie’s ex-husband versus the Golden State Warriors.
Well it didn’t take long for one of the Lakers’ “meme team” to get into trouble, did it? Those punches were some of the only defense we’ve seen played this season! LeBron moved to LA for the entertainment business and his team is already delivering it on the court despite their slow start. We break down the biggest losers from Saturday’s fracas while also highlighting who benefits the most. That we already have an NBA conspiracy one week into the season is why this show exists and why we’re fans. Plus a the Marc Stein/Shams Charnia Battle Royale in our ‘Diss of the Week.’
In the spirit of experimentation and shameless pandering, we attempt to attract new listeners by incorporating relationship advice and dog metaphors into the show. After three nights of games we’re ready to fire up our hottest overreactions to what we saw. Could the Suns be the next NBA dynasty? Is Boban Wilt Chamberlain with free throw making ability? In our latest segment “Shoe News!” we discuss Montrezl Harrell’s plan to release the coolest sneakers of all time as well as the steep price discount on Lonzo’s new Big Baller Brand sneakers. Plus, we do a dramatic reenactment of every Jimmy Butler interview in the past week.
Previews for the top five teams in the NBA fighting to be this year’s runner-up to the Warriors. This episode we ask executive-level questions like: If Danny Ainge had traded four draft picks for Justise Winslow would we still think he’s a good GM? Would Sam Hinkie ever consider a return to the Rockets front office? And what’s Bryan Colangelo up to these days? The Thunder will use this season to find the best fit for Paul George and the Raptors will try to convince Kawhi Toronto’s just like LA, but better. We reveal the “Secret MVP” for each team and talk the failed Jimmy Butler trade and the Suns firing Ryan McDonough in our Diss of the Week.
The Lakers and the Wizards will both be fun to watch this year but for entirely different reasons. Find out who should hire Nikola Jokic as their celebrity endorser and what the rules to a Dwight Howard gameshow would be. Will Tom Thibodeau’s head explode on the sideline this year? Which GM will be the first one fired for not drafting Luka Doncic? We discuss potential plots of Space Jam 2 and predict which Lakers teammates will have the most volatile relationship. Plus the most attractive people to ever rock a unibrow and an extremely stupid quote from Paul Pierce.
These are the teams that are one player away if that player were LeBron James. Coincidentally a few of them come from the whitest cities with NBA teams. Unfortunately none of them have a history of attracting free agents. We preview and answer burning questions about the Jazz, Pacers, Blazers, Grizzlies, Bucks and Spurs. Where will Chandler Parsons be in the next ten years? Is Kris Middleton a max player? Could Lonnie Walker be an all-time funny NBA player? Diss of the week submissions about Kawhi Leonard’s laugh and Brett Kavanaugh’s basketball coaching career.
When Jimmy Butler forces a late off-season trade that means the NBA is back! This historic occasion may be the first time a player has ever actually tried to be traded to the Clippers. After months of searching, the 76ers found their new GM right under their noses. We discuss how the Elton Brand hiring came to be. The dry heave team previews are the teams too good for a top draft pick but not good enough to make the playoffs. Their the NBA’s version of purgatory or, to mix metaphors, a vomit that never comes. Tune in for our season previews of the Clippers, Heat, Pistons, Knicks, Hornets and Magic and stay for the NBA’s scheduled tunnel fight rematch between Chris Paul and Blake Griffin.
Just because these teams have a hard time winning games doesn’t mean they’re not entertaining. We break down the six worst teams in the NBA and tell you their biggest moves of the offseason, how they might surprise us, and what still makes them exciting. In the case of the Sacramento Kings, unintentional comedy counts too. We ask some burning questions like: Which team has the worst starting five? Are the Cavs Klutch Sports contracts completely untradable? What life lessons can young guys learn from a vet like Vince Carter? And will Matt and Bob own Puma basketball shoes before next year’s Finals? Plus Diss of the Week submissions from Ben Simmons and Kobe Bryant.